Bad publicity is still publicity
Keith Vaz, Kevin McCullough, Jack Thompson, The Daily Mail; despite being ill informed imbeciles the gaming industry owes these guys (and many more) a great big hug for the way they’ve selflessly promoted the market. “Xbox 360 gains sentience and cripples decorated war hero”, “Sonic the Hedgehog promotes bestiality” and “Gary Glitter: I was normal before I got a Wii” are all (in some universes) genuine headlines that have attempted to degrade the reputation of games as a viable platform for artistic expression. Of course the only thing these lobbyists have all succeeded in is doing the exact opposite, with the games in question receiving a popularity boost in a similar manner to the way that Vernon Kay is now regarded as being actually newsworthy.

Rockstar Games have undoubtedly benefited the most from these unintentional plugs, and it’s fair to say that they know exactly which mass media buttons to press. The GTA series can certainly walk tall based solely on its technical merits, but that can’t be said for the Manhunt series which I imagine would have fallen under the radar completely if not for the hysterical reaction to its gruesome content. Manhunt’s appeal was that it was breaking the boundaries of acceptable levels of violence in such a way that gamers across the globe were buying the game out of  sheer curiosity rather than based on the game itself. That’s not to say that its necessary to go looking for trouble however, since the global media will regularly manage to  find something to have a good old fashioned “It wasn’t this way in my day” campaign, regardless of minor details like factual accuracy.

Not so interesting now is it?!

While Mass Effect was already doing pretty well for itself with rave reviews from all sides, it received a welcome publicity shot in the arm through the frankly hilarious over-reaction from Fox News and Kevin McCullogh which was utterly convinced that Bioware’s space epic was in fact an unrelenting interspecies gangbang with an error ridden article with concluded with a sentence that will (and deservedly should) stick with him for the rest of his days:

“With it’s “over the net” capabilities virtual orgasmic rape is just the push of a button away.”

This showed that he not only completely misunderstands the nature of technology at large but a distinct lack of evidence that he had ever actually played the game. Even though the realisation that he had based an entire opinionated article on a completely fictional concept forced a prompt public apology, the media furore had already ahcieved the desired effect from Bioware’s perspective. Though thousands of extraterrestrial nipple hunting teens would have been disappointed at the sight of a mere blue side-boob I have no doubt that Mass Effect would have shipped a considerable number of copies based solely on the promise of being able to… well maybe you should take this one, Kev:

“hump in every form, format, multiple, gender-oriented possibility they can think of…”

Indeed.

There are occasions where bad publicity can have a plain and simple damaging effect on your game however, which Electronics Arts found out using a marketing ploy that only they would have the balls to even briefly entertain, never mind pick up and run with. Considering the biblical nature of Dante’s Inferno (as well as including an achievement for killing non-baptised babies, how the hell did that make it in!?) you would expect religious protestors to descend upon the game’s development studio with great haste. Well not quickly enough according to EA, as it came to light that a group of protestors kicking up a fuzz at E3 about the game’s religious context were in fact hired actors, with EA themselves picking up the bill. With a false website and reading material to back up this “unique” viral marketing campaign, EA must have thought that they had covered all of the bases. Until the next day that is when the entire thing was unveiled as a farce, and we all went back to vocally regarding EA as a shower of unscrupulous suits who live in volcano lairs and set our hard earned cash on fire to light their gargantuan cigars. Bastards.

Get yourself meme’d
The internet is a phenomenally power marketing tool and it’s very rare to jump into any gaming website without your screen being filled with the latest God of War 3 or Wii Fit propaganda, which is more often than not implemented with the subtlety of an Activision rep throwing a Call of Duty branded brick at your head. It’s not just the shady contracts between publishers and reviewing sites that gets people talking though, with a game that is worthy of being subjected to the meme treatment essentially doing all of the work itself, for better or worse.

If you can include any kind of glitch, hammy acting or moment of awkwardness in your pre-release footage you can bet that it will have been recreated, re-imagined and redistributed within hours of it entering the public domain. The E3 presentation of Genji 2 for the PS3 reached hilarious levels of stupidity and as a result the phrase “Giant Enemy Crab” is jokingly referenced across the industry, from Viva Piñata to World of Warcraft. While the producer of the game excitedly revealed that the game would be full of genuine historical battles from ancient Japan, footage of the infamous Giant Enemy Crab filled the screen behind him, leading to a few confused attendees frantically checking their history books, while the rest of them simply soiled themselves laughing. The situation was compounded as innovative new features such “real time weapon changes” were unleashed on the unsuspecting audience. Despite the obviously embarrassing consequences, the farcical press conference put Genji on the map in an unprecedented fashion, although I don’t think many publishers would go employ that particular marketing plan too readily.

Be a tease
Sometimes when it comes to building up the interest in a game, less is more. A well placed teaser trailer for your upcoming game can get the masses salivating at the mouth before you’ve even written a single line of code, particularly if you’ve already established your brand. Take the Mass Effect Teaser trailer as an example. It consists of two core elements, the first of which is a brief recollection of the many glorious achievements you as Shepard had heroically performed in the first game, followed by the useful tidbit of information that he’s dead…

I’m sorry what? Commander Shepard, who I spent slightly north of fifty hours levelling up has died within a few months of me turning my back? Why is that Geth wearing his armour?! I have too many questions, someone take my money so I can find answers! PLEASE!! Ok, that reaction was certainly on the more vocal end of the spectrum but it got people talking in a way that never really died down until Mass Effect 2 hit the shelves, with hype hitting fanatical levels as each character in Shepard’s suicidal space opera was gradually drip fed to us.

Where do I pick up my cheque?

Not that drip feeding information has a detrimental effect on the hype surrounding a game, with many publishers rightly making the decision to release as many trailers that tell us absolutely nothing for as long as they can. In the same way that gory scenes in horror movies are most effective when left to our imagination, the number of people attempting to hopelessly dissect a game trailer increases as the level of tangible information that the trailer provides begins to drop. The recent trailer for the next title in the Ghost Recon series, Future Soldier, encapsulates this pretty well with the fifty second video telling us that it’s set in the future and some people will be invisible. Do we know who we’re fighting? Where this conflict takes place? Why the US Military have gone all Predator on us all of a sudden? Hell no! Does that stop the gaming community shouting their support or distain at the tiny morsel of information they’ve just been fed? Of course it doesn’t!

There’s no doubt that I’m only scratching the surface and some of the larger franchises have probably already implemented new advertising techniques that us simple gamers would never even consider. Where does the pre-release hype machine go from here though? Subliminal messaging perhaps? For all we know, every minute that we play the latest FIFA or Call of Duty could result in thousands of unnoticeable commands being hardwired into our minds.

Fortunately my mind is protected from any such ~ BUY ARMY OF TWO ~ attacks and as a result I’m impervious ~ FOOTBALL MANAGER IS YOUR FRIEND, GO TO IT ~ to any such suggestions…

Disclaimer: Of course I’m aware that Commander Shepard can be played as either a male or female, but for the sake of this review I’ll be referring to Shepard as a male to keep in line with my playthrough. Please don’t yell at me Bryony…

Come with us now on a journey through time and space…
Mass Effect 2 begins two years after after Commander Shepard defeated Saren and the Reapers, with him taking the helm of the Normandy once more in order to face a new threat, the mysterious Collectors. That’s all you’re getting. Mass Effect 2 should be experienced entirely unspoiled and for that reason details of the story will be kept to a bare minimum in this review. What I will say is that the plot is a captivating and exciting story which is expertly backed up with fantastic characters and dialogue. The core plotline is still a bit short (and I didn’t like the game being split into distinct missions with explicit debriefings at the end of each one) but where it falls short in terms of longevity it compensates with suspenseful storytelling with sheer impact. Each mission drip feeds more information about the motivations of the Collectors while occasionally hitting you with a haymaker of a twist; it’s another epic tale of space heroics that builds on the already substantial foundations built by the first game.

That being said, the foundations of the first game aren’t exactly set in stone. Players with a saved game from the original Mass Effect can import their own version of Shepard into the new story. This has slight implications on a gameplay level in terms of abilities, but much more significant ramifications regarding how the new story pans out. Characters who died in the first game are dead, while decisions you made back in your original quest can and do make a difference this time round, whether you’re reaping the benefits or having something come round to bite you in the ass. I was surprised to see just how many minor actions that I had taken in Mass Effect had translated into the sequel and I think it’s a great thing to be able to experience the long term consequences of your actions first hand. This could have a detrimental effect on a newcomer’s enjoyment of Mass Effect 2′s narrative on the other hand, since it does refer back to Shepard’s original quest a lot. That being said, it’s a sequel! I managed to rush through an entire Mass Effect playthrough in order to get a completed save (thanks to my original save becoming corrupted, not that I’m bitter), what the hell makes others so special!?

I could've sworn there was a ceiling here before...

Shepard’s mission in Mass Effect 2 sees him going slightly more rogue this time round, and as a result you get to experience some of the galaxy’s seedier locations and inhabitants. The characters that are encountered throughout Mass Effect 2 range from mercenaries to vigilantes to outright murderous criminals, which seems to have given Bioware more scope for some excellent menacing banter between them and Shepard. The members of your crew aren’t exactly angels either, most of which have complex personalities and motivations that must be fulfilled in order to gain their complete loyalty. Shepard’s crew is a diverse and fascinating ragtag group of fighters, although I think it’s just a bit too big and could have benefited from having one or two less members. That said however I can’t really think of anyone on the Normandy who I’d want to throw overboard, with the possible exception of Jacob, who goes through the least development across the story and is generally a bit boring to talk to.

It’s an RPG, but not as we know it
Mass Effect 2 still falls under the ‘Action RPG’ category, but with more emphasis on action than its predecessor. Some of the more bloated RPG elements have been stripped down, streamlined or just removed altogether while the combat has been dramatically improved. Shepard and the crew of the Normandy still gain experience through completing missions and winning battles, but the number of abilities has been reduced to four per character, with the exception of Shepard himself who has a bit more flexibility. The ludicrous inventory system from Mass Effect is no more, with weapon and armour upgrades having a cumulative effect each time you research them on the Normandy. I’m glad to see the back of the inventory, but feel that the new levelling system is a bit too basic. Each skill has four levels, with the number of skill points required to upgrade a skill increasing each time (Two skill points to upgrade to Level Two etc.). Initially this works fine, but as I progressed further I found myself effectively having to hoard skill points until I had enough to do anything with them, meaning I could level up two or three times without receiving any benefits from it.

The dialogue mechanic is relatively untouched, apart from the addition of “interrupt” actions which allow you to put a premature end to a conversation through a Paragon or Renegade action. These help to make conversations feel a bit more dynamic and natural, and a well timed interrupt can also result in the occasional unexpected benefit. I also like that characters very rarely stand directly facing each other while the camera flicks between faces. People move, gesture and react in realistic ways which go a long way to providing a much needed cinematic touch to the way dialogue is presented.

You’d be forgiven for thinking that the more lightweight RPG elements in Mass Effect 2 is a step backwards, but these changes have been made to allow more room for the new focus of the Mass Effect series: shooting people. During most missions I very rarely found myself having time to holster my weapon, with the body count often reaching Total Recall levels. The number of weapon types has doubled, not including the destructive Heavy Weapons, with Shepard already being completely proficient in whichever weapons his class allows him to use. Weapons feel a lot more meaningful this time round, with weapons blowing limbs off of enemies and ammo upgrades granting bonuses such as freezing enemies to the spot or removing shields. They no longer suffer from overheating problems either, through the use of dischargeable heat sinks which introduces a simple but effective method of ammo management. The biotic’s and tech abilities also seem to yield more tangible outcomes such as briefly reprogramming an enemy mech to fight for you or simply setting someone on fire. Enemy AI is nicely varied although it’s a little easy to judge at times (Krogans willl constantly advance before launching a desperate charge, while Asari will usually perform supporting roles with biotics), while new squad AI grants Shepard a simple interface to control team members individually. Every change to the combat mechanic improves the experience in some way and as a result it’s a much more exciting and rewarding experience, particularly when Shepard’s team has to come up against a heavy mech or Thresher Maw.

Of course before you can go toe to toe with a bunch of mercenaries there’s the little matter of traversing the galaxy to find them, a function that’s provided by the Normandy’s shiny new Galaxy Map. You actually get to control the Normandy as it flies around each system this time round which is a nice touch that adds to the feeling that you’re actually exploring deep space, rather than just selecting a set of predefined locations. The galaxy is comprised of cluster of solar systems which are connected through Mass Relays. Each solar system can be directly accessed at the expense of fuel, after which you get down to the nitty gritty of exploring each of the planets within. Rather than just clicking on each planet and hitting the Land option however, planets can be scanned from a distance via a pretty fun mini-game. Scanning for resources involves moving the scanning reticule across the planet’s and launching a probe towards its surface when something comes up. Some planets also house anomalies which give you the option of dropping in for further investigation, even if Shepard’s “investigation” will without fail end in an all out fire-fight. The scanning is a bit sluggish at times and having to replenish the Normandy’s stock of probes can be a chore, but it’s a much more less cumbersome task than exploring planets with the Mako, while watching your scanner go off the charts after uncovering an untapped resource is surprisingly rewarding.

Shepard’s mission against the Collectors is widely regarded as a suicide mission, with the complete annihilation of your team being a very real possibility at the end of the game if you haven’t gained the complete loyalty of your squad. While this concept is an interesting one, its execution is a bit too transparent and formulaic. Outside of random side missions Mass Effect 2 is made up of recruitment missions to expand your squad, one loyalty mission per crew member and plot missions which keep the story moving along. By completing a character’s loyalty mission they are instantly flagged up as loyal, and while certain decisions can result in Shepard losing a character’s loyalty or not getting it at all, I would have liked to see more subtle influencing of characters rather than the binary setup that’s in place. Fortunately the content of the missions themselves is exceptional and brimming with beautifully realised locations and believable characters, so gaining a character’s loyalty will never feel like a drag. Except Jacob funnily enough, boredom seems to dog his every move for me.

Massterpiece
The visual element of Mass Effect 2 has probably gone through the least amount of upheaval between the two games, although that’s hardly a bad thing and the changes that have been made make nothing but a positive impact. Facial models have been tweaked slightly, allowing for more emotive expressions from the hundreds of characters across the universe. This redesign also results in character’s faces looking much more cohesive and natural, where I felt that in Mass Effect sometimes their composite parts appeared to be acting independently of one another. The revamped combat is also given a much more visceral feel thanks to some of the new special effects on display. I love how enemies realistically react to taking a hit (enemies falling when you shoot them in the legs, chunks of metal being dislodged from a Mech by a shotgun blast) which gives a much more satisfying level of feedback from using each weapon.

Thank goodness someone left those highly unstable explosives lying in the middle of a corridor

The environments that Shepard’s crew travel to throughout the game are a pleasure to look at, not least because of the variety and scale that Bioware have been able to maintain throughout. With the removal of the Mako, vast, explorable (as well as bland and interchangeable) planets are no longer necessary which allows much more thought to be put into the style of each location, and it really shows. Repetition is almost a distant memory among the planets that can be landed on, with stunning beaches, vast cities, derelict ships, treacherous jungle worlds and much more all making an appearance. I felt that the interior locations could benefited from some more variety, particularly on the non-essential locations, but for the most part I found myself being pleasantly surprised with the eye-candy on offer every time I landed on a new planet.

Mass Effect 2 includes pre-rendered FMVs during gameplay, which goes a long way to adding a more cinematic touch to even the most random of side missions. Rather than the same quick scene of the Mako being dropped from the Normandy being played to death, every new planet is accompanied with its own distinct landing scene. It might seem like a small thing but I felt that the excellent presentation throughout made some of the more peripheral assignments I decided to tackle come across as an integral part of the game. Not that these cut-scenes are restricted to touching down on a new world of course, they’re also extensively used in the core plotline to great effect, with the game’s opening being on par with anything to come out of the most recent big budget sci-fi flicks to grace the screens.

In space, no one can hear you seduce a robot
The biggest strength of the Mass Effect series is the depth and high production values present in every aspect of the narrative, with the voice acting being especially well executed. So it’s great to see that Bioware have delivered on this front in Shepard’s second outing, with Mass Effect 2 benefiting from an enormous dynamic script that is delivered to perfection almost without fail. When you consider that there must be hundreds upon hundreds of lines of dialogue across the missions the high quality throughout is nothing short of astounding. The voice acting very rarely comes across as if it’s being read from a script with each line being delivered in just the right context. Choosing Renegade or Paragon options also seems to have a more significant effect on the flow of a conversation which is backed up by the emotive voice acting. Choosing to threaten an NPC from the beginning will result in the rest of the conversation coming across in a more sarcastic or aggressive tone for example, while a Paragon Shepard will usually be more sympathetic and formal. Your overall Paragon and Renegade scores won’t have an effect on this, but I thought it was a nice touch that made each conversation feel a bit more consistent.

Massively Effective
The core elements of what made Mass Effect so great are very much still in place here, but when you add the vast number of improvements made across the board Mass Effect 2 is a very impressive package. It’s incredible that Bioware are able to create an entirely new story, add ten new characters that succeed in really engaging the user into the world. Fan service is consistently prevalent throughout the game with almost every character who you happened to even walk past in Mass Effect reappearing, with the decisions from Mass Effect all translating seamlessly into the sequel and really enriching the experience as a whole. There’s still plenty to get newcomers up to speed however and the new streamlined combat will certainly win some new fans in the shooter demographic. Mass Effect 2 is quite simply one of the top titles available for the Xbox 360 at the moment and is so fluid and dynamic that players will be able to experience something entirely different every time they take the Normandy out for a spin across the galaxy.

Oh, and elevators are no more, rejoice!

How We Review Games

So, yes, I am a woman who likes games. It had never really bothered me before that the industry seems to be seen largely as a man’s world; that the boobed ones are allowed to play in from time to time, until quite recently. The abomination that is Nintendo’s GirlGamer magazine came to my attention while searching the internet for something entirely different, and I think I tasted a bit of sick in my mouth. I won’t go over old ground and repeat why this image is just too ridiculously offensive, however.  If you haven’t come across the venom (rightfully) directed at Nintendo, and are unable to work out why it frankly stinks, well, you clearly are neither living in this century nor the last. It did, rather get me to thinking about a lot of other (mis)representations of women in the games industry. Without wishing to go all crazy feminist on you, I’d like to share some of these with you.

Lara Croft shows us her best side.

While doing some academic ‘research’ I came across the story that Lara Croft (it would be illegal to write an article on women and games and not mention Lara Croft) was never meant to have quite such… impressive…? ridiculous…? large…? lady lumps as she ended up with. The story goes that her designer was meant to augment her polygons by a mere 50%, but his finger slipped, and he typed 150% instead.  He (and presumably the rest of the men in the office) thought she looked significantly better that way, and so they stuck. I won’t even ask how one manages to type ‘150’, rather than ‘50’, but I am not a programmer, so maybe it wasn’t as simple as all that. This story, (while I admit may be somewhat apocryphal) surely blows the theory out of the water that Lara is a ‘feminist icon.’ I’m not going to sit here and diss Lara, you must understand; I’ve enjoyed playing her games, for the most part, and I’ve been pleased that she is a woman. She is an unrealistic wet dream, but a woman nonetheless.

Another character with a similar physique is Vitalia Domina  from the (I won’t hide this fact) incredible Wizardry 8. Vitalia was of the Valkyrie class, but also of the sluttily dressed class. Her armour would not have saved her from anything, unless by some miracle she were stabbed in the bra strap. Her chest rivaled Croft’s. (Hey, they could have had a boob off!) So Sirtech made a relatively likable female. Great! Then ruined it by making her obviously targeted at males. I could go on about women putting their lives at stake by dressing inappropriately. I won’t, though. So don’t worry, you can carry on reading.

What bothers me is the apparent assumption that women want something entirely separate from the gaming industry than men. So I ask the question – what do men want from games? Surely the answer is simple: entertainment. What do women want from games? Um, at a guess; entertainment? As far as I am aware it isn’t a different medium for cookery books, or virtual pets to tickle. I am not saying that these things don’t have their place, the fact that people buy them surely validates their presence, but I do think that there is a lack of traditionally ‘male’ games that are produced with their female audience in mind.

Personally I am not a big fan of war games, I’ll admit. However it isn’t the guns and blood that put me off, it is the slight feeling of uneasiness I get from knowing that while for gamers from the comfort of their lounge it may be fun, for the real soldiers it is real hell. On the other hand, I LOVE blasting the living *insert expletive of choice here* out of aliens with a big Plasma Rifles in Halo, or bagging and tagging the Geth in Mass Effect.

A Geth awaits my Biotic nastiness.

What we do not have, though, is really strong, believable, female leads, who are not merely waiting to be saved, or there for the fun of teenage boys. The Metroid Prime series scores a couple of Brownie points with me, as Samus Aran is at least a woman, but if it weren’t for the eyeshadow that you glimpse when her visor steams up, I am pretty sure you wouldn’t really know. She doesn’t say anything, the armour hides her form, and Samus (unless I am much mistaken) is not a gender specific name.

Mass Effect gives you the option of playing as a woman, which I appreciate. However, all the promo stuff for the game features the default male character. While I can see that keeping continuity is a good idea from a marketing point of view, I think they have missed a trick. If they were to promote a believable female lead (I always play as a woman, and her attitude and bra size are very believable) they may find that they appeal to a wider audience.

There are some developers that realise that producing believable, likable, and suitably attired females is a good idea. I promised myself that I wouldn’t act the fangirl in this article, so I’ll just put two words into your head: Elena Fisher. If you have been in a remote PS3-less cave for a couple of years, and don’t know who she is, Google her. Now.

Elena Fisher: "She's a lot tougher than she looks!"

One great character does not a female gamer satisfy. If it is indeed the case that men and women want the same thing out of their gaming experience, why is it that women get agitated about feeling sidelined? Maybe it is because without decent female characters that make us feel like we were at least in the producers’ minds while they were being designed, we will constantly feel like any units that we buy are merely a bonus for them. Maybe it’s just our time of the month.

The matter of sex. Sex in games. In-game sex. In-game nudity. Penises. Penii?! Well that is a perennial debate so I will shy away like so many chaste maidens from that particular issue.  More accurately, the portrayal of sex in games and why it’s so controversial when it is portrayed, despite the utter saturation of it in other mediums.

The Lost and Damned, whilst developed by an (aptly-named) studio who already have a good pedigree in controversy, managed to shock, delight, confuse many with its cock-sure depiction of a male member (of congress, no less). With The Ballad Of Gay Tony, the closing chapter of the GTA 4 saga dealing in part with another aspect of sexuality, Rockstar are certainly one of the few developers not afraid of raising a few issues about sex and sexuality, and it’s these I’m interested in.

For one, if we, as a community of gamers wish to be granted ever-more respect by the mainstream media, we must, as a rule, respond to issues of sex and nudity in a mature fashion. I don’t wish to imply that people are not, just that it is an important foundation to lay. We must be able to enter into a dialogue about sex in games in the same way as developers must be able to depict it in such a way as to facilitate mature discussion. Now, Japanese developers have a vivid history of sex games, but cultural differences abound; I’m talking about the way forward for a western audience and industry. What have we learnt from Hot Coffee, J. Thompson, blue aliens and japanese dating sims?

"Let's get it oooon..."

Mass Effect spawned an absolutely hilarious reaction in the media upon its release (if you somehow haven’t seen it before, it’s absolutely hilarious how ignorant some people were about it…)

Aside from being laughably under-researched (my favourite line is ‘the ability of players to engage in graphic sex’) the feature linked above highlights all that is wrong with the interaction between the mainstream and video games. Especially surrounding the issue of what is, ultimately, no matter how many different religious groups believe otherwise, a perfectly natural act. Again, fun as it would be, I’m not offering a diatribe against either Fox (Megan or the TV company), the media, religion, your mum, or Bioware (the twisted, predatory corrupting influence that they are). This video is timeless, but seems especially relevant once again as Bioware are set to release Dragon Age: Origins, a game that we’re told (or perhaps warned) has a good deal of on screen hanky panky.

Yeah, this looks like fun...

Let’s cut to the chase: I propose that the only way we are going to make progress in the matter, is for more games to have sex featured in them. The problem is how to present it. The power of suggestion is as powerful as ever, and to my mind the sex scene in Mass Effect is both tasteful and effective. ‘Sleeping’ with hookers in Grand Theft Auto is not tasteful but it’s certainly not offensive or gratuitous. So far so good. Let’s take a look at a few more examples.

Sex in Fallout 3 is possible but inconsequential, unrewarding, and ultimately pointless from a gameplay or narrative perspective. A non-committal depiction shall we say. Fable 2 takes another interesting approach by letting you only hear the act of coitus. If you’ve played Fable you’ll also know that having a child is amusing but again, ultimately a gimmick; I call this a morally neutral stance. Both are fine, but one is sincerely lacking in ambition to drive the matter forward, understandable after the fiasco that the ratings boards conjured over the naming of in-game drugs

Where is the sex that adds to the drama? Think about the potential of sex scenes in films and literature to really evoke emotions, to create powerful drama and motivations between characters. How games developers, backed into a corner by ratings boards and neurotic censorship endorsed by a morally perplexed billboard society continue to shy away from a responsible yet vivid depiction of all things sexual baffles me.

"That is one massive penis".

I’m hoping that Heavy Rain, the TIMJ hands-on preview of which you can read here, with its ostensibly ‘life-life’ portrayal of a believable scenario will feature a real, bar-setting sexual event or relationship. If games are ever going to cross over the threshold from entertainment to art-form, from wasted artistic potential to responsible medium of expression, we all need to get virtually laid a little more.

‘This joke isn’t funny anymore…’
Eat Lead takes place in a world where the lives of videogame characters don’t just end when someone isn’t playing their games; they have lives outside the industry, and Matt Hazard (voiced by legend Will Arnett) is a character whose popularity had seen a spectacular fall from grace. After a successful early career stemming from 8bit side-scrolling shooters (an obvious nod to Duke Nukem), Matt secured a new contract with his developer ‘Marathon Megasoft’ that allowed him more creative input into his games, his subsequently skanky games nearly ruined the company. After years away from the public eye in light of his indiscretion, Marathon Megasofts newest CEO Wallace Wellesley (Neil Patrick Harris) decides it’s time to bring Matt out of retirement, only he has an ulterior motive in doing so; to kill Matt off once and for all. Using his team of developers he has the ability change the environment around our protagonist, code in enemies from his previous games and generally make things difficult. The player as Matt must complete the game to foil Wellesley’s plans with the help of the ‘Cortana-alike’ QA, while taking snipes at all areas of the industry in the process. It’s here where we find our first issue with Eat Lead; the humour.

You see, the gags and parodies you find within Eat Lead are very hit and miss; at their worst they are absolutely terrible and predictable, at their best are mostly only worth a chuckle. The problem with this is that if your game is being sold primarily on how funny it is it pays to keep that humour at least consistent. While the actual gags are lacklustre, there are one or two extremely clever set-ups which had me laughing, such as the battle against a stereotypical J-RPG protagonist in which he selects his attacks from a menu, but these moments of true inspiration are rare. There are too many nods and parodies to name them all, but it pokes fun at the likes of Mass Effect, Bioshock, Tomb Raider, Duke Nukem and many many more. Overall it’s like they were aiming for a ‘Spinal Tap’ style satire and ended up at the crude ‘Scary Movie’ parody style instead. Not brilliant when you consider the game has other issues, which we’ll approach very shortly.

Could actually be from any J-RPG ever...

‘It’s Hazard Time’
Playing like your normal ‘stop ‘n pop’ experience; nearly everything about the cover and shooting mechanic is fairly accomplished, or at least it feels that way very early on. Eat Lead features a clever ‘cover-to-cover’ system as seen in the likes of Wanted: Weapons of fate; from behind cover you can look at your next location, hit the required button and Hazard will run there automatically. The cover itself is semi-destructible; if it takes enough damage it will ‘De-raz’, leaving you exposed. Occasionally there were times I found the aiming to be a little unresponsive as if there was a dead space in the centre of the analogue when popped out from behind cover, however in comparison lining up shots while in cover it was almost too easy; letting me rack up an unprecedented amount of headshots. Over the course of the game you will earn a couple of powers in the guise of ice and fire, and occasionally you will come across power-ups such as temporary invincibility. The combat flows well and remains fun throughout, however I did discover a notable glitch here; if you don’t snap to cover, and creep out just enough to land your cross hair on the nearest enemy you can shoot through walls and negate the cover mechanic altogether.

At times the experience is dogged by awful A.I.  Occasionally if you rush to cover too deep in the map, the enemies seem programmed to go to certain positions and won’t deviate from that path, which can have them running directly at you leave you heavily under fire. This can lead to other problems, a couple of times in small rooms I made a run to the right and sought cover there, but the enemy didn’t counter that by taking a different position and just kept running right at me, after a couple of attempts I realised that the only way around it was to head to the left and then take out my attackers; this was pretty early on in the game and It’s something that becomes more obvious later on as you are faced with more foes.

Another sticking point to an otherwise fun system is the mediocre level design. The game is fairly linear, which I have no problem with as long as it suits the story or other areas of the overall package make up for it; here it really does neither. You fight your way through a samey section of corridor until you are faced with a contrived reason to be locked in a particular area. There you face a few waves of enemies and then you are back to the corridors again. Rinse and repeated until you finish.

The enemies themselves are extremely varied, ranging from zombies, to cowboys all the way to space marines. Each type has its own set of weapons that you can pick-up along with their own level of power and weaknesses. For example, zombies can only die from headshots; space marines require an unholy amount of ammo from non-futuristic guns. Each weapon is different, but the way the game tends to concentrate on throwing certain enemies through particular passages of play, you are never really left in a situation where the weapons you have aren’t effective, leaving little room for inventory strategy. It also has that light feeling when firing, almost like a weightlessness that is reminiscent of the Hitman games.

SHUT UP ABOUT YOUR COVER-TO-COVER MECHANIC!

Visual humour
Graphically Eat Lead is pretty clean looking and in some areas well stylised, however with the long levels the environments tend to get very tedious very quickly. The character models are well rendered, and there are some really neat touches; for example seeing the 2D ‘Waferthin’ soldiers navigating a 3D terrain is an extremely cool visual feat, but with that comes inconsistencies. I mean, if the Waferthin get introduced in their retro form, how come the rest of Matt’s enemies from previous games are fully rendered by today’s standard? It doesn’t quite add up. It’s definitely not what I’d call an ugly game, but it won’t win awards for graphical achievement either.

Repetitive audio
Despite having two fairly big names on the box cover in Will Arnett and Neil Patrick Harris, who both put in decent performances despite the sketchy material they were given, the repetitive speech will be cause for annoyance for many. I lost track of the number of times that Matt Hazard exclaimed ‘I love this cover-to-cover mechanic’, and other such unintelligent one-liners when popping heads and the same is true of the enemies too.  The soundtrack is adequate, yet uninspiring. It kicks in when in the full flow of the action and lulls in the quieter spells, which are few and far between. I had some technical issues here too, where the action-packed audio would cut to silence for little reason.

Is eating lead hazardous to your health?
I’ve picked up on a lot of chinks in Eat Leads armour in this review, but the overall gameplay experience is competent and there are some rare genuinely humorous moments to be found amongst the dross. It had enough at least to keep me playing through to the finale, but whether others can be bothered to persevere and find enough fun in the combat against lot of repetition and poorly written gags is another thing entirely. It is just about worth a look at the right price; if only just to experience the sheer random brilliance of killing a zombie with a super-soaker.

Avoid it, try it or buy it?
I think I’m clear in my conclusion, if you see it at a no-lose price; snap it up, at the very least it’s worth a rent in a meagre release period.

How we review games

Since Final Fantasy VII, I’ve been a massive fan of RPG’s in all shapes and sizes. I love immersing myself in a new world for a couple of months, exploring a land that was the product of so much creative thinking, unearthing the history of the world and its people, just really taking my time with a game and getting as much out of whatever imaginary places have been put in front of me. Since starting a full time grown up job last year though, I might knock out a couple of games of FIFA or squeeze in a Gears deathmatch after getting home at night, but I’ve started to find that it’s getting less and less common for me to really get my teeth stuck into a good long RPG. The fact is, you really need to put a lot of time into these games, thirty minutes a night just won’t cut it, so I’ve made the conscious decision to be more selective about the RPGs that I play.

I got to thinking about what really appeals to me in an RPG, and it actually has very little to do with the gameplay (although it works in the games favour if it isn’t a buggy piece of junk). My main motivation for playing these games is the story, the characters, the very universe that the game is set in. My satisfaction from playing these games doesn’t come from finally grinding to a high enough level to beat the next boss, it’s from finding out the bad guys motivations, what the protagonists shady past involves, or what secrets lie behind that eerie looking cave. So like I said, I got to thinking, and I think there is some pretty universal criteria that can be used as a checklist to gauge whether a game is going to keep me riveted, or send me to sleep, controller in hand, as I’m forced to watch yet another nonsensical cutscene that doesn’t move the story along at all (I’m looking at you Infinite Undiscovery).

Goodies vs Baddies
This one is a complete no brainer, but the characters are the ones that keep the plot ticking along, and if they’re not capable of doing that in an interesting way, then the story itself is going to suffer accordingly. These days, it’s more important to put effort into the games allies and enemies rather than the protagonist, the reason being that more often than not you’re playing the game from his point of view. Since it’s your decisions that shape your character’s development, less effort has to be made in making the protagonist as exciting. Of course, these decisions also affect other people in the game, and that’s why it’s so important that you care about what happens to them.

I think that spending a little bit of time fleshing out a character, making them seem more human (maybe sympathetic would be a better word, since a large share of the characters aren’t human in modern games), can improve the quality of a game’s story, and the game as a whole. The best example of this is Mass Effect (which I think just about tops my list of RPG’s from a storyline point of view). While the major cities in the game still had the stock NPC’s that just repeated the same phrase, everyone that you could really interact with felt like they had an entire team of guys working on every tiny aspect of their personality. In most RPG’s, you will go through a spell where you just can’t be bothered talking to people, you just want to skip the conversations and get to killing some bad guys, but I can honestly say that I never felt that way once when playing Mass Effect. Every character had a varied and interesting background, they all had motivations for being on my crew that I couldn’t wait to find out more about, and the conversations flowed so naturally (thanks to the brilliant voice acting) that it never felt like a chore to have a natter with anyone. When characters are this well developed, you find yourself connecting to them. It feels less like you’re completing an objective to gain EXP, and more like you’re helping a real person to find their brother, collect on a contract or investigate an SOS call. This level of immersion is one of the things that I feel RPG’s achieve that very few other games do, and it’s one of the things I can’t wait to experience again when Mass Effect 2 comes out at the tail end of 2009.

On the other side of the divide, I find that it can often be more important to have a well thought out adversary in an RPG, than a group of team-mates that you feel you can relate to. From a personal viewpoint, I think that it’s hard to beat having a complete b*****d to pit your wits against. Seeing the likes of Sephiroth massacre an entire town or stab your love interest in the back WHILE SHE’S PRAYING makes a pretty bold statement and definitely gives the end game of RPG’s a much more personal edge (frankly, anyone who didn’t let out a tiny little whoop when you unleashed a final omnislash against Sephiroth is an unashamed liar).

“Who will you become?”, “Forge your own destiny” and so on and so forth…
If you’re buying any new RPG, the chances are the box art will be inundated with some kind of reference to a “free roaming world where you can do as you please” or “face impossible moral choices that affect the outcome of the game”. This is a concept that I very much buy into, but unfortunately it doesn’t usually work out that way.

I’ve no problem admitting that I’m a goody two shoes. I’ve no real inclination to be a heartless b*****d just for kicks, although I am partial to the occasional dose of vigilante justice. So when it comes to solving simple good/evil or selfless/greedy conundrums, I don’t feel myself agonising over the decision and I very rarely think about it after I’ve made my choice. As much as I love both games, Fallout 3 and Fable 2 are especially guilty of this. In both of these games, pretty much every decision you have to make can be split up into two choices, do the right thing and win the adoration of the populace, or be a bit of a b*****d and get more material rewards. If a bit more thought was put into the quests then I might have found myself taking more time, but I can’t recall any occasions playing either game when I stopped to think about whether I was doing the right thing. With Fable 2 in particular, it wouldn’t have surprised me if I was faced with the choice of killing or sparing a cute fluffy kitten that had accidentally eaten the best weapon in the game.

One game that, while still falling into the same pitfalls as other open ended RPG’s, occassionally excelled in this aspect was Mass Effect. The basic good versus evil choices were still there, but occasionally the game would throw you a curveball and you’d find yourself having to make some serously tough calls with no real easy option. In one mission alone, you could end up leaving a planet having wiped out an entire alien race in order to put your adversary’s plans on hold, killed one of your squad in self defence after he took exception to your recent genocide, and having had to decide between leaving one of your friends to die in a nuclear blast, or leaving another one of your friends to die in a nuclear blast. It’s these moments that stand out the most in these kind of games, and by making sure your decisions have extreme and far reaching consequences for the rest of the game, you find yourself thinking about every step you take in the game, as you know even opening your mouth at the wrong time could end with someone getting shot in the dome.

It pays to be thorough
When I say that I like to get involved in an RPG, I mean it. I want to know absolutely everything about what’s happening, or has happened, in the world that I find myself placed in. So I appreciate it when the developers of a game have taken the time to include as much knowledge about the game world’s history, people, places and other such things that really have no bearing on how the game plays. Even though most people won’t bother with looking through the books and internet articles of Fallout 3, or the encyclopedia of Mass Effect canon, I think that it’s a great way or giving every action you take in the game more weight.

I mentioned above that you have the choice of committing genocide as part of a mission in Mass Effect, imagine how much more meaningful that decision is when you know everything about that race’s culture, home planet, famous leaders and national dish. While playing Fallout 3, very little is mentioned about the actual origins of The Brotherhood Of Steel and The Enclave, and it’s entirely possible that you complete the game knowing next to nothing about who the BOS are and exactly what The Enclave have done that you’re supposed to be so p**s*d off about (apart from killing your dad). I already know most of the Fallout history since I’m a massive fan of the first two games, but I still found it interesting to find a new piece of the canon in the form of a crumpled up newspaper clipping or ancient computer termial, describing one of the defining moments in this alternate American history.

No kids!
Ok, only J-RPG’s are guilty of this, but the “don’t work with kids or animals” rule in movies can at least be partially extended to games based on some of the absolutely horrendous inclusions in previous games. I’ve no problem with NPC children walking around a town, or having to save someone’s grandson from a cave full of ravenous werewolves (as an aside, just how bad are RPG parents at looking after their kids, and why do they always wait until they’ve ventured into the deepest darkest depths of a dungeon before deciding that they’re scared and plant themselves to the floor crying? Then again, I suppose it would be a pretty lame quest if he ran back into town right after you’d finished promising his parents you’d save him from whatever dangers lay inside the tomb/cave/burning building), but as far as I’m concerned they should NEVER come along for the ride.

I’m not saying that I’m an expert in this particular field, in fact the only occasions that I’ve had to face this abhoration was while playing Lost Odyssey and Infinite Undiscovery, but it has affected, no, scarred, me so significantly that I can confidently say that I would be taking a game straight back to my local shop to trade it in (or throw it into a bonfire if the shops were closed) if I found some annoying sprog was going to be tagging along in my journey to save the world and kill things. I really don’t think that I’m exagerrating in the slightest when I say that, and I’m considering paying for this to be engraved on my gravestone, “CHILDREN. RUIN. CUTSCENES”. A prime example:

Kaim, the 1000 year old immortal protagonist, has come across his daughter, who he lost and assumed to be dead when she was only five years old. A glorious coincidence wouldn’t you agree? Well no, because in a surprisingly dark twist for a J-RPG, his daughter has been struck down with an illness and is lying on her deathbed. It would have been a scene worthy of a movie, as Kaim discovers that his daughter is alive, only to realise that he’s going to lose her in a matter of hours. If it was just those two characters in this particular scene, I might have even shed a tear.

But they weren’t the only people in the room.

Kaim also discovers that he has grandchildren, Cook and Mack. They both have their personalities defined pretty early on, Cook is sassy and protective of her younger brother, while Mack is a bit of a gullible scaredy cat. However, only one personality trait really shines through with these two, because my god are they ANNOYING. Most of the time, they act as the “comic relief” to Kaim’s silent, introverted personality, but this comic relief is nothing but a cutesy cheesefest that reminded me slightly of the Teletubbies, but that’s not the worst part.

Are Cooke and Mack the worst RPG characters ever? Yes. Yes they are

As in every RPG, the kids have a few sections of the game where they go through some character development. In their case it revolves around them coping with the loss of their mother, and the contrast between Kaim, Cook and Mack perfectly sums up why I wanted to switch off my 360 every time they showed up on screen. As Kaim silently reflects on the challenges of being immortal, to fight in countless wars, see every unsavoury human trait and watch the people he cares about grow old and die, the kids look into each others eyes, hold hands, and… start singing.

Just take a second to think about how ridiculous that is. Singing. Singing directly at each others faces. I can’t recall an occasion where my opinion of a game has started with genuine admiration and respect, and plummeted to confused contempt in a split second.

To be honest, I don’t know if they were singing one of their late mum’s favourite lullabies or one of the most recent catchy disco tunes, because I was so unbelievably gobsmacked that I had switch my TV off and hope to God the cutscene would be over by the time I switched it back on again. I could go on describing every cringeworthy scene that they ruin in this game, (as well as Rico and Rucha from Infinite Undiscovery, although there’s no point since they are essentially the exact same characters), but I can actually feel myself losing faith in gaming the more I am forced to think about them.

So, all pretty straightforward then (unless you’re particularly fond of children, then things could get a bit prickly). As I’ve been writing this, I’ve realised that I’m yet to come across an RPG that checks every box of an enthralling story. They all their cliches, confusing plot twists and hammy characters in different combinations, but I think it’s incredible how far the gaming industry has come in terms of storytelling. When I started gaming, any kind of story in a game was considered a bonus, and were never considered to be one of the defining factors of the genre. Now however, we have the movie industry buying the rights to different developer’s IPs, when 10 years ago it was the gaming industry that was using blockbuster movies as a quick cash boost. I’m very optimistic about the future of RPG’s as a form of storytelling (even an art form, although that will probably be a long time away). You just have to look at the hype building up for Mass Effect 2 to see how far it’s come already; the details of the gameplay are sparse to say the least, but a couple of cleverly designed trailers hinting at the demise of the game’s protagonist and everyone was on the edge of their seats, begging for more.

Myself included, why the hell was a Geth wearing Shephard’s battle armour?! WHY?!