Features & News

The gaming confession booth

May 14, 2010, Author: Neil Hughes

In these decadent times we are all guilty of committing gaming sins for a number of reasons, but until now we have not been made accountable for our bad deeds. Here at This Is My Joystick we now have a Gaming Confession booth that allows gamers to confess their sins who are in search of forgiveness.

As I am more guilty than most people of committing the most heinous crimes against gaming I thought I would be first to enter confessional after I make my examination of conscience.

I am more than a little nervous about this, so as I approach the booth I beg for your mercy and forgiveness.  My name is Neil Hughes, my gamer tag is Grateful Ghoul on Xbox Live and many people know me from the man behind Neil’s Deals here at This Is My Joystick.

“Bless me Father for I have sinned. It has been five years since my last confession. These are my sins. I have been playing games for achievement points only, I know what I have done is wrong but seem unable to control my urges.”

Please go into more detail my child.

I guess it all began by playing games like King Kong for a quick fix, but this quickly developed into searching for American sporting titles and have been known to simulate entire seasons of old Madden games for easy points.

Rental sites like Love Film seemed to feed my addiction, as I quickly filled up my rental list of quick and easy games to complete over a weekend. I once rented Avatar Burning earth and played for only three minutes following a YouTube guide to get all the 1000 achievements before putting back into the post box.

In pure desperation to finally break the 30,000 achievement score barrier I spent the recent Bank Holiday playing children’s game Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs in hope of a quick one thousand points/

Am I correct in assuming you did not rent this game like the others you mention?

This is probably my worst sin, as I actually obtained the game in question from my nine year old son in order to feed my addiction and obsession and even planned to borrow more children’s titles to reach my goal quickly.

This is truly immoral behaviour, is there anything else?

I downloaded the Call Of Duty Modern Warfare 2 Stimulus Pack on release day for 1200 Microsoft points, despite knowing the lack of value for only three new maps and how it could be used as a precedent for future DLC prices, meaning gamers across the world would suffer because of my choices.

I am sorry for these sins and all the sins I can’t remember.

My child, this is inexcusable behaviour for a gaming enthusiast. Taking the easy road in order to satisfy  your urges is never the way forward. Games are designed to present a challenge and this achievement whoring will only make you feel unaccomplished. You cannot be forgiven for these offences, especially purchasing the stimulus pack for Modern Warfare 2 unless you cleanse your spirit.

In order to expunge these offences from your soul, the gaming gods request that you repent your sins by playing a game with extremely hard achievements. I personally recommend playing Blue Dragon and both Left 4 Dead games and getting a full 1000 gamerscore. Only then can your soul be cleansed.

Don’t forget your prayers.

Our Gaming God who has no heaven,
Hallowed be thy joystick,
Thy kingdom PWND,
Games to be won,
On earth as it is in virtual reality,
Give us this day our achievement scores,
Forgive those who whore against us,
As we forgive them for cheap achievements,
Lead us not towards World of Warcraft,
But deliver us Borderlands,
For thine is the Boxset,
The limited edition,
For £49.99 £29.99 [Neil’s Deals]

Want to confess anything? Why not email us to have your chance in the Gaming Confession Booth!